-
New Contender: Simon
Name : Simon (Identity confirmed) Agility – 7/10 We think it is fair to say that Simon is getting on a bit. We’re pretty sure he wouldn’t mind us saying this as we have known him for many years and we have that sort of relationship. In days of old you would have seen him scampering around Moseley Park but not any more. Mainly because he moved rather than any sort of infirmity. Health & Vitality – 5/10 Unfortunately Simon has gone a bit mad recently and has a few problems with his kidneys. Clearly you don’t want us to go into too much detail but suffice to say you probably don’t want to ask him how he is. You’ll be there for hours Home invasion – 6/10 We once found him sitting on our coffee table. He was fairly brazen about it as well. Good on him. Meow – 7/10 Simon is a proper cat with a proper meow. You’re never in doubt where Simon is, unless he’s hiding. Fighting Ability – 7/10 Simon is a master of everywhere he surveys. He doesn’t fight other cats because they know they would get good and battered. He’s a bit like one of the old boxers you meet in East End boozers. You feel a bit sorry for him but know that punching him in the face would be a very bad idea. Overall cuteness – 5/10 He’s not really cute as such. Would you say an old person was cute? […]
-
New Contender: Socks
Name : Socks (Identity confirmed) It is important to note that this is the first user submitted cat and therefore subject to the obvious problem of the owner just bigging up their cat in order to bask in its reflected glory. To be fair we like what we’ve seen so far but all of this assessment could be subject to change. Agility – 7/10 Socks appears to be very agile with a penchant for play. Though that is what kittens do so she isn’t going to get full marks yet. If you have a kitten that isn’t agile then in many ways you’ve been done. Health & Vitality – 6/10 She looks healthy enough but the thousand yard stare is a little disconcerting. Apparently she was brought up by goats. It sounds a little bit unlikely but we have no reason to disbelieve it, yet. You might think we’ve been a little harsh giving quite a mediocre health score to a kitten but we’ve heard she’s got a dodgy leg and that must incur a penalty. Home invasion – 7/10 We understand that Socks is known to visit people’s houses and take food. Brilliant, have loads of points. Meow – 3/10 Even Socks’ owner reckons she doesn’t make much noise and from what we’ve seen of her she seems completely silent. This just isn’t good enough. Try harder. Fighting Ability – 2/10 Although we were impressed with the stories of how Socks can bring down a stick at the end […]
-
New Contender: Molly
Name : Molly (Identity confirmed) Agility – 3/10 Molly is known throughout Moseley for never moving from her doorstep. This would probably indicate that she isn’t too agile. Or she’s lazy. Either way she isn’t going to do very well in this section. Health & Vitality – 7/10 There is certainly nothing dropping off her so we consider her to be a picture of health. All the other cats seem to like her which is generally a sign of being a healthy cat. Home invasion – 5/10 As stated previously Molly doesn’t venture far so is very unlikely to come round to see you. Having said that she has a good relationship with her neighbours and has been known to pop round for tea. Not so much an invader, more of a visitor. We suppose that means she is polite. Meow – 8/10 If you stop to talk to her she reciprocates. She has a full bodied meow that belies her diminutive stature and certainly gives her credibility. Fighting Ability – 2/10 This just isn’t going to happen. We doubt Molly has ever been in a fight but we reckon she has caused a few if you know what we mean. Overall cuteness – 8/10 Very cute. Tiny but cute. If you needed to keep a cat in your pocket to surprise people with then we would recommend Molly. Friendliness – 9/10 Molly is very very friendly. Everyone knows her name and pretty well everyone stops to have a chat […]
-
New Contender: Prison Cat
Name : Prison Cat (Identity not confirmed) Unfortunately little is known of this cat or her terrible history. Has she been imprisoned for a crime that she didn’t commit? Who knows. The one thing we are certain of is that she cannot be assessed against our criteria as she never goes outside. She does seem quite cute though. More news once we get it.
-
New Contender: Lucy
Name : Steven Lucy (Identity confirmed) Agility – 6/10 We’ve seen him sit on a wall once or twice but that’s really as good as it gets with Steven Lucy. Health & Vitality – 2/10 Nobody is ever going to accuse Steven Lucy of looking that healthy. He She is better than he she was but frequently looks like he she might die. Home invasion – 2/10 Steven Lucy is never going to be a cat burglar (you see what we did there). He’ll She’ll stop you in the street but is very aware of his her boundaries. Meow – 10/10 Steven Lucy has a brilliant meow. Probably one of the best we’ve come across. Bumping into Steven Lucy is a pleasure because sometimes it seems like he she can talk. He can’t talk but he she tries his her best. Fighting Ability – 2/10 If you’re looking for a cat to have a fight with you want to start with Steven Lucy. He’s She’s rubbish. In mitigation we think he she is probably above all that sort of stuff but the criteria are the criteria. Overall cuteness – 4/10 It’s difficult to say whether or not Steven Lucy is cute. He She looks scrawny and ill but his her eyes demonstrate a fundamental understanding of what it means to be a cat. We’ve given him her a low score anyway because we’re cruel like that. Friendliness – 8/10 Steven Lucy is a genuine cat that wants to be your friend and really likes to listen to what you’ve been up to. Dignity – 2/10 I’m afraid he she just doesn’t have any dignity. He She talks to anyone and always looks a little […]
-
New Contender: Bob
Name : Bob (Identity confirmed) Agility – 8/10 Bob can shift, he’s like a cat. Not one for jumping over fences but if he sees another cat or some rubbish he’s straight in there. Health & Vitality – 8/10 Bob looks healthy enough but it is difficult to tell as he doesn’t really let anyone get that close to him. The benefit of the doubt gives him a decent score. Home invasion – 2/10 Bob is not a cat that is going to come round and see you. He likes sleeping under cars. That’s his thing. Meow – 6/10 Not the best meow in the world but it works and you can’t really say fairer than that. Fighting Ability – 10/10 This cat is nails. No really he is. I wouldn’t want to fight him and I doubt all the other cats want to either. Overall cuteness – 4/10 He’s not cute. He just isn’t. He looks like he doesn’t like anyone and doesn’t really want anyone to like him. Fair enough. Friendliness – 2/10 We’re pretty sure that Bob is a very friendly cat once you get to know him. We don’t know him and think that given half a chance he would try and eat us. Dignity – 4/10 It’s difficult to have dignity if you eat rubbish. It doesn’t look good and it doesn’t taste good. Bob might want to think about this Intelligence – 4/10 We know we are coming back to the rubbish thing again […]
-
New Contender: Edward
Name : Edward (Identity confirmed) Agility – 8/10 Although Edward has clearly been seen to jump over a fence and even through a window some say he is carrying a bit of extra weight at the moment. Health & Vitality – 10/10 Clearly a very healthy cat as indicated by his very shiny fur. Mad stary eyes could indicate some mental health issues but these cannot be confirmed. Home invasion – 6/10 Although Edward will wander around any garden he isn’t much of a visitor. At least as far as we know. Meow – 2/10 If our scoring system could accommodate no points then Edward would get them, but it can’t. Quite frankly his vocal ability is pathetic. Fighting Ability – 4/10 Edward is not really much of fighter. Some would say it is because he gets on so well with other cats. We know this isn’t true. He’s actually a bit gay. Not that we are saying that gay cats can’t fight. He is also obviously terrified of his nemesis Bob. Overall cuteness – 10/10 Clearly he is cute. Anyone with eyes will tell you that. Friendliness – 10/10 Can a cat be too friendly? Let’s assume not and give him all the points. Dignity – 6/10 Is dignity rolling around on your back asking passing strangers to tickle you? We’ve tried it and were treated with appropriate contempt. Edward has been duly marked down for his lack of etiquette. Intelligence – 4/10 This cat is stupid. He can […]
- Newer Search Results ›