MeowseleyTurning Cats into Facts

The Rules

Each cat is graded against a rigorous criteria designed to identify its individual quality. Against each criteria a score of 1 to 10 is awarded. The cumulative scores are then cumulated to provide a cracking cat score that is then expressed as a per centage for no apparent reason.

The criteria chosen by our panel of judges are:-

1. Agility
   • It is important for a cat to have a very basic level of agility. Generally demonstrated through its ability to pop over a fence to have a look at a flower or a large bee. In fact bees are a very good exemplar of agility. If a cat can catch a bee then it is indeed an agile cat. If it eats a bee then it isn’t too clever but that’s a completely different criteria.
2. Health and vitality
   • There is nothing worse than a manky cat. We’ve all seen those horrible thin things that look like their fur will come off if you touch them, grrr. On the other hand if you see a healthy cat you instinctively want to make friends with it.
3. Home invasion
   • Cats shouldn’t be restricted to just one home. A quality cat will treat the world as its personal playground and certainly won’t accept the so called boundaries imposed by humans. Obviously there are extra points available if a cat can demonstrate ingenious methods of gaining entry.
4. Meow
   • A proper meow is important if you’re cat. Clearly anyone reading this isn’t a cat so you’re just going to have to take our word for it.
5. Fighting ability
   • We like watching cats fight. We don’t really like listening to them but seeing two cats going at it like there can be only one is the closest we’re ever going to get to being in Highlander. Extra points for adept use of finishing moves. [edit]This category now includes the ability to catch and eat other animals. It’s a basic cat skill and needs to be rewarded[/edit]
6. Overall cuteness
   • There are number of schools of thought regarding the cuteness of cats. Some people think that as urban predators a good cat should look like it can take care of itself. Those people are of course idiots. If the internet has taught us anything then it has taught us that people love videos of cute cats.
7. Friendliness
   • Friendly cats are great. You will make very few friends in your life that just need a bit of food and a tickle every now and then.
8. Dignity
   • Some cats are very needy. They tend to be rubbish cats and certainly won’t be getting many points in this section. Interestingly a truly dignified cat can also come across as a bit unfriendly so this criteria is good opportunity to pick up points lost in the category above.
9. Intelligence
   • Truly clever cats are few and far between. We obviously quite like cats or we wouldn’t have started on this nonsense but even we freely admit that they are generally stupid. Therefore a clever cat should be rewarded. This is where they will get their just deserts.
10. Remaining lives
    • It’s not strictly true that cats have nine lives. That would be against all the rules of science. It is true that cats tend to take their lives in their hands everytime they go out. Generally this is because of their stupidity and their bizarre fascination with sleeping under cars. This criteria will reward a cat for any brushes with death.
11. Brexit?
    • Did this cat support leaving the European Union? It’s a simple question.