Have you lost a cat? Have you lost 2 cats? Both of these have been found on Salisbury Road and would like to either go home or find a new home. If you can help then let us know emergency@meowseley.co.uk Please note the lighter is being used purely to demonstrate size. The cat does not come with a lighter and does not pose a fire hazard.
Name: Jess (Identity not confirmed) This is more like it. Proper out in the field cat investigating. It’s easy enough to sit in your lounge and tell us how much you like your cat but it takes a special breed of person to go out and find us new cats in their natural habitat. Agility – 7/10 Jess can walk the rim of a skip. We know this sounds like some sort of tawdry practice but it isn’t. She can, literally, walk round the edge of a skip without falling in. Even after a very busy year of recording cats their sheer ability mildly impresses. Health & Vitality – 6/10 We understand that Jess is very much an outside cat. We’re not completely sure she is even owned by a person. Usually this would mean a cat would at least look a little sickly. We’re happy to report her coat is shiny and she has happy eyes. Home invasion – 8/10 Fantastic. Jess once went to a party. She didn’t know anyone there but happily rolled up, had a bit of stroke off random strangers and then tried to move in. Exactly the sort of behaviour that gets you shunned in human society gets you points on here. That’s mainly because we’re not cats. Meow – 4/10 Although we acknowledge that Jess will stop and “talk” to passing people we have insufficient evidence to make a judgement on the quality of her conversation. We will have to be cautious until we have better information. Fighting Ability […]
It is with a heavy heart that we have to tell you that little Molly died last week. We don’t know many details but it’s possible she was hit by a car and consequently had to be put down. We’re sure this must have been a really difficult decision to take. Molly was always one of our favourite cats and was a bit of a fixture at the bottom of Leighton Road. Often hiding under a car or running away from all the other cats. She will be missed.
Name: Dibble (Identity confirmed) Agility – 3/10 Dibble isn’t allowed out on his own. We doubt he’s allowed out if accompanied by an adult either. You would assume that this isn’t agility related but it is. He isn’t allowed out because if he does manage to get over the fence he gets stuck. Getting over fences is the very bread and butter of being a cat. Health & Vitality – 7/10 As he’s not allowed out he is an extremely healthy cat, or so we assume. He does live on a diet of chicken, we are extremely jealous of his dinner. Home invasion – 0/10 Dibble has moved house three times. Although this means he has got to see the inside of a fair few houses he has not achieved this through pleading or guile. We hope that one day Dibble might be able to throw off his incarceration and run free. We might go round and create a diversion; if we started a fight on the doorstep he could leg it whilst the screws are looking the other way. Meow – 7/10 Apparently he has a beautiful singing voice. We like this. More cats should sing. Though only between 10 in the morning and 7 in the evening. Anything outside those core hours would just be irritating. Fighting Ability – 2/10 Interestingly Dibble has adopted two kittens. An unusual development for a single male cat. We imagine this is symbolic of the decline of moral standards and broken Britain. You probably […]
Name: Gerrard (Identity confirmed) We, of course, know Gerrard very well. We remember him running away. We remember him coming home again. We’re very pleased to have the opportunity to welcome Gerrard into the Meowseley family. Not that we’re related to cats. Nor are many of the cats related to each other. It’s a figurative family. Agility – 4/10 Gerrard, apparently suffers from vertigo. He gets the fear when he climbs on a table. He’s a cat. This is a very poor display indeed. On the other hand he can fight in the style of Dogtanian whilst balanced on a wall as thick as your hand. We don’t know what to believe. We love the idea of a cat pretending to be a cartoon dog in pre-revolutionary France. In fact we love the idea of cats standing on two legs and pretending to be people. Overall the vertigo story sounds entirely more credible so a paltry score is awarded. Health & Vitality – 3/10 We respect you too much to make any outlandish claims about Gerrard’s health and vitality. Look at him, he’s clearly been engaging with healthcare services. On the plus side we’re reassured that anything that is wrong with him is purely down to fighting. Over the years he’s had abscesses and a torn retina. We do agree that he seems to have a very shiny coat so we gave him a bit for that. Home invasion – 9/10 Gerrard’s previous home invasion antics have been plastered all over the […]
We feel quite guilty about this. We don’t know where he is or anything like that, oh no. Someone did mention to us a while ago that Doctor had gone missing but we completely forgot about it. As you can see from the poster Doctor is quite young so natural curiosity might have encouraged him to go and live with someone else for a bit. If you know where he is please let his owners know. They do want him back. Edgbaston Road East seems to be where we need to be concentrate our efforts. Maybe you could combine a bit of a look about with a trip to Lidl or the Diwan. If you see him then please let us know at the usual address, emergency@meowseley.co.uk or even leave a comment here.
Name: Ollie (Identity confirmed) Agility – 8/10 Ok what have we got? Ollie can jump on to the top of a fridge freezer. According to Currys that seems to be a height of around 1.7 meters. That’s a good height, taller than a man but smaller than a house (for those of you that need a bit of clarity on what a fridge looks like). Interestingly Ollie was once rehoused after climbing up the chimney. He clearly sees himself as some sort of cockney street urchin. Health & Vitality – 3/10 Unfortunately Ollie doesn’t have a tail. This is a bit odd in a cat. Unless you’re one of those freaky manx cats. We don’t think Ollie is a manx cat. Anyway we have been reliably told that manx cats are forbidden from crossing into this country because of the way they unsettle children. We are not completely sure why Ollie doesn’t have a tail but we’re going to penalise him for it. Home invasion – 4/10 From what we can gather, most of Ollie’s invasions seem to result from him moving in with new owners and then getting thrown out because he doesn’t like children or other cats. We can understand where he’s coming from but it isn’t a good example of breaking and entering. Meow – 7/10 We’ve noticed that talking cats are on the up these days. Ollie has developed an ability to talk after having a tooth extracted. We assume that the tooth was in some way […]
Good news. Gerrard has come home. Yay. It turns out he got stuck in a neighbours house. That’s proper cat burglary. He came home this afternoon and ate THREE pouches of cat food. Thanks to everyone that helped to spread the word on the Twitter. It’s nice to have a happy ending.
We don’t want to worry you but another cat has gone missing. Gerrard was last seen outside his house in Moseley Gate. He’s a small and tame black cat. It’s obviously very cold at the moment so it would be great to get him back home. If you live close by or even if you’re just passing, keep your eyes open. If you do see him then let us know by sending an email to emergency@meowseley.co.uk Alternatively leave a comment below. We’ll try and get a photo as soon as possible so you don’t confuse him with other entirely innocent cats.
We really need your help with this one. Bob’s gone missing. We really like Bob. In fact we’d go as far as to say he is one of our favourite cats. He is generally found hanging around Leighton Road in Moseley (B13). So please check anywhere you can think of. Cars, garages, sheds etc. If you see him then please let us know at the usual address, emergency@meowseley.co.uk or even leave a comment here. We’re pretty sure that Bob can take care of himself but the weather’s not too good and we know that he would be much better off at home.