MeowseleyTurning Cats into Facts

Nov
15thNew Contender: Barry

Name: Barry (Identity confirmed)

Barry was first brought to our attention in July of this year. That means it has taken over four months for us to review him. Now you might think it has taken so long because the review has been lovingly crafted out of gold. If you did think that you would be mostly wrong. We have just been very lazy.

1. Agility – 4/10
   • We are getting increasingly worried about the amount of cats that aren’t allowed outside. It isn’t natural to keep a cat inside and it makes it very difficult to get a sense of what they can or can’t do. We do know that Barry can leap on top of the fridge in one jump. Not very impressive really. We have a feeling that at a push we could do that as well. Though obviously that would be frowned on in a human. Having said that letting your cat climb on your fridge does raise similar questions. Though it is Barry we are here to judge.
2. Health & Vitality – 4/10
   • Although Barry should be rewarded for getting as far as ten and a half years old we feel we must deduct points for only having two teeth. This is rubbish. If only we had a section for pretending to be a vampire.
3. Home invasion Pretending to be a vampire- 10/10
   • As Barry isn’t allowed out, ever, we’ve given him full marks for pretending to be a vampire.
4. Meow – 8/10
   • Barry has a worrying vocal range. He can go like “meeeaaaaaahh” and like “brrrrrrrrp”.  He even sighs when he needs attention. This is great. What wonders he must be trying to communicate to us. Sigh.
5. Fighting Ability – 6/10
   • Apparently Barry once “took down a big dog”. We can only assume this so called “big dog” was in his house at the time. We shudder to think what “took down” really means. It sounds a little bit WWE to us. Let’s hope this wasn’t one of those stage managed events just get some more points off of us.
6. Overall cuteness – 6/10
   • We’re not sure about Barry. He does look quite shiny and he likes a bit of a tickle but look at those dead eyes. It has been suggested that the fact his tongue is hanging out makes him look cute. We think it makes him look thirsty.
7. Friendliness – 3/10
   • He is very friendly to people he knows. Which is just as well as people he doesn’t know shouldn’t really be in his house.
8. Dignity – 4/10
   • He sits with his tongue hanging out and pretends he is a vampire.
9. Intelligence – 4/10
   • There is just too little to go on. His fascination with the occult has not demonstrated a clear grasp of the rational.
10. Remaining lives – 7/10
    • Like so many cats these days he was rescued from a life we can only imagine and has survived until a good age. We hope that at some point cat technology develops to such a point that someone invents a cat straw for the more dentally challenged.

Summary: 55%

We freely admit that Barry’s score got a substantial bump because we made up a category for him. On the whole a nice enough cat but evidence that merely jumping on household appliances and imaginary fights with dogs is not enough to get to the top.

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