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New Contender: Billy
Name : Billy (Identity confirmed)- Agility – 4/10
- There is one thing about Billy that is going to come up time and time again in his assessment. He has one leg shorter than the others. Cats aren’t like tables, you can’t fold up a beer mat and make them stable. They move too much. We’ve been told that Billy is very agile even with his disability. We don’t believe it.
- Health & Vitality – 6/10
- It’s difficult to assess the Health and Vitality of Billy having not actually ever met him. In the picture he looks a bit tired. The little fellah can hardly keep his eyes open. We’ll give him the benfit of the doubt and assume he’s just had a bit of a run.
- Home invasion – -/10
- This isn’t a zero score. For all we know he’s never left the house. We need more information. If people know something about Billy and his wandering nature then we implore them to come forward. There’s nothing to be scared of. This isn’t Crimewatch. He will be reassessed.
- Meow – 5/10
- Okay, you’re probably thinking how did we manage to give a score for this section but not the previous one purely based on a picture? Good point, he looks like a cat that’s got a fairly decent meow. He gets 5 points. This system is nothing if not arbitary.
- Fighting Ability – 7/10
- There has been a ridiculous amount of controvesy over the last week about the flawed nature of the scoring so as of today this section is being ammended. Fighting ability now includes the ability to fight other animals as well as cats. This means predation now becomes a factor. Billy’s owner maintains that he has killed countless small animals. Now we don’t know about you but we can count to a fairly high number. Easily over a thousand. So countless would imply that Billy and his owner are living in a morass of decaying mouse corpses. We don’t believe this to be true. We certainly hope this isn’t true as just thinking about it is fairly disgusting.
- Overall cuteness – 4/10
- We’re sorry Billy. You’re not cute. You look a bit like a murderer. A cat murderer. A cat that murders, people or even other cats.
- Friendliness – 5/10
- A difficult one to gauge really. Have half the points, you’re probably quite friendly. Unless of course you do actually murder people. If that is the case then you will be marked down. Be warned.
- Dignity – 2/10
- Look at that collar. There is no dignity in a cat with bling. In some ways I hope he never leaves the house as he is surely going to have the living piss ripped out of him by other cats.
- Intelligence – -/10
- Sorry no score for this. There are just some things you can’t tell from a picture. Maybe we should have some sums that we can get cats to do as a remote test.
- Remaining lives – 10/10
- This is as good as it gets. Billy has been doubly unfortunate. Abandoned by his owner (not the current one) and then the victim of a hit and run. He even survived surgery that left him lopsided.
Provisional Summary: 43%
It looks like the lowest score yet but it isn’t. Billy needs two more scores before we can give him an official score. Check here for updates.
- Agility – 4/10
- ‹ New Contender: SimonUpdate: Bob ›
