MeowseleyTurning Cats into Facts

Jun
13thNew Contender: Geno

Name: Geno (Identity confirmed)

1. Agility – 7/10
   • Geno is apparently a bit of a tiny cat but we don’t think that is likely to undermine his agility. In fact cats tend to start off tiny and get bigger, it’s the nature of growth. Anyway, he likes to live on top of a wardrobe so he must be a bit nippy.
2. Health & Vitality – 6/10
   • Look at those inquisitive eyes. That isn’t a cat thinking about a lingering health concern. Geno has been penalised for being a bit small. Restricted growth is not something you can get away with having a pop at in humans anymore but we can with cats. Let’s see what the so called “pc brigade” make of that.
3. Home invasion – 9/10
   • By all accounts Geno is pretty damn good at breaking into houses. As a matter of principle we reward the use of another cats cat flap. We were also very entertained by the fact that he seeks out barbeques.
4. Meow – 6/10
   • Some would say this score is likely to be a little contentious given the parochial nature of this experiment. We accept that Geno is very chatty and has been rewarded but we are very concerned that he has a Brummie accent. Geno has been marked down for being a bit provincial. We know this isn’t going to be a popular decision but we’re not really that bothered.
5. Fighting Ability – 6/10
   • Apparently Geno is bit of a boxer and likes annoying dogs. We can’t imagine a situation where combining those two traits isn’t going to end in trouble but that is for another section.
6. Overall cuteness – 7/10
   • We think Geno is very cute. Judge for yourself.
7. Friendliness – 3/10
   • Even Geno’s owner admits he is bloody miserable. He hides from visitors and doesn’t like being stroked. What sort of cat is that? Not a very good one in our book. 
8. Dignity – 5/10
   • Begging for food at barbeques isn’t really very diginified. On the other hand his best friend is a cat called Tux who apparently has a diamond on his neck. We’re not sure if this is a real diamond or some curious marking. If we assume that he is a cat with jewellery then we can equally assume that Geno looks relatively dignified in comparison. How is that for a logical contortion?
9. Intelligence – 5/10
   • Geno does the gardening. In a sense this is quite clever as he doesn’t have thumbs. On the other hand he is a carnivore so there is no real worth in growing things. He might be into gardening for the aesthetic value but we doubt it. His favourite programme is Top Gear and that was never going to win him points round here.
10. Remaining lives – 4/10
    • We have seen no evidence that Geno has diced with death. Clearly if he is going to hide on top of a wardrobe to avoid human contact then he is demonstrating self preservation skills but not enough to give him a point bump.

Summary: 58%

Blimey Geno, that’s a pretty respectable score. Hopefully he will take on board the points we have raised and they will help him to develop as a cat.

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