MeowseleyTurning Cats into Facts

Jan
31stNew Contender: George

Name: George (Identity confirmed)

1. Agility – 6/10
   • The one thing we can say with some certainty about George is, he can run. We know this as we frequently see him running. Every time we see him running it always seems to be away from something else, another cat, a car, a carrier bag that dances in the wind. He is terrified of literally everything. This has meant that he has a admirable ability to get from one place to another, quickly. If only we could harness this ability (metaphorically, we don’t believe putting a real harness on him would do much good, he’s quick but he isn’t strong enough to pull a tiny wagon or anything like that).
2. Health & Vitality – 8/10
   • George is a picture of health, as you can see he has the most fluffy of coats. Actually we think we might have done him a disservice in the previous category questioning his strength. We think George is probably one of the strongest of cats as when ever he goes out in the rain we think his fluffyness must increase his body weight by nearly 200%.
3. Home invasion – 0/10
   • George is so scared of everything we cannot imagine a situation where he would break into someone elses house. Oh no, that’s not true, there is one situation where he might, if he thought for one minute that you had some tasty rubbish in your house then he would be round like a shot. George really likes to eat rubbish.
4. Meow – 4/10
   • Only a little squeak but given his timidity this might be for the best.
5. Fighting Ability – 2/10
   • George’s owners think he gets on with all other cats. We don’t know how to put this but…… he doesn’t. Hmmm, actually all other cats pick on him so in a sense this is sort of true.
6. Overall cuteness – 8/10
   • We’ve said it before but we just don’t like long haired cats. Well we didn’t like long haired cats until George came along. It might be just us but we always imagine that George looks a bit like a wizard. We would clap our hands with sheer delight if once, just once, we could see him wearing a tiny wizards hat and some pretend glasses.
7. Friendliness – 4/10
   •  We’ve tried with George, oh God we’ve tried. Every attempt at friendship is just thrown back in our face, we can only give so much, is your heart hewn from stone?
8. Dignity – 3/10
   • So George, do you want to be known as the sort of cat that slopes off down a dirty alleyway and peeks out of the long grass? Do you? You’re going the right way about getting just that sort of reputation.
9. Intelligence – 7/10
   • Becoming a master of magic is no small feat even if this only happened in our imagination.  We understand that George likes to bury food, this is very unusual behaviour (again we should stress we are no experts on cats or their behaviours), cartoons have led us to believe that it is just dogs that bury their dinner.  We will give points for an attempt to learn the ways of the oldest enemies of cats.
10. Remaining lives – 5/10
    • We don’t know enough to go high or low on this. On the one hand his pampered appearance makes us think he couldn’t comprehend the word peril but on the other hand we know he is the subject of constant bullying.

Summary: 47%

This is really awkward. There isn’t any other way to put this, 47% is a terrible score, one of the worst (probably).  You can see that all of George’s failings come from an unwillingness to get in there, get his paws dirty and make some noise. We had hoped he would do better as we do have a bit of a soft spot for him. Unfortunately science says no.

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