MeowseleyTurning Cats into Facts

Jun
20thNew Contender: Mrs Miggins

Name: Mrs Miggins (Identity confirmed)

1. Agility -8/10
   • Mrs Miggins can scale a six foot fence only requiring purchase at an approximate height of four feet. That means that in one bound she can jump over an 11 year old. That’s pretty good.
2. Health & Vitality – 5/10
   • She’s fat because she eats dog food. That probably means that her sense of smell isn’t working very well either.
3. Home invasion – 7/10
   • She gets her dog food from the dog next door. It’s a bit of a karmic experience this isn’t it? What loses you points in one section gets them back somewhere else.
4. Meow – 5/10
   • Apparently Mrs Miggins “yowls”. Making words up is no substitute for a cat having a proper meow.
5. Fighting Ability – 4/10
   • In a break with tradition Mrs Miggins is going to be severely penalised for trying to kill a bat. We like bats and we don’t think cats should be killing them and that isn’t just because they sound a bit similar. It does raise the fascinating question of what the inside of a cats mouth would sound like to a bat. A question that we will only ever be able to ponder. Hmmm.
6. Overall cuteness – 9/10
   • If this was just a mark for being fluffy then she would do well. As we consider the overall context of a given cats cuteness she has done very well.
7. Friendliness – 8/10
   • There is no doubting Mrs Miggins friendliness and she isn’t too picky.
8. Dignity – 3/10
   • Any cat that can lick bacon fat out of the dishwasher is likely to turn your stomache. If a cat were to do that you certainly wouldn’t think they were dignified.
9. Intelligence – 6/10
   • Now we are not going to be pedantic about this but Mrs Miggins has a reputation for finding food in seemingly impossible places. We doubt this means she is that clever. It certainly means that someone has rather low expectations of impossible.
10. Remaining lives – 5/10
    • Not really much to go on here. She gets half marks for not being a kitten anymore.

Summary: 60%

A top end score for Mrs Miggins. She would no doubt have scored better if she had not created the obvious ethical dilema. If God doesn’t like the gays getting married then surely the very concept of cats getting married is pure abomination. Something to think about.

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