MeowseleyTurning Cats into Facts

Jul
18thNew Contender: Naboo

Name: Naboo (Identity confirmed)

1. Agility -4/10
   • We understand Naboo once fell out of a window (or off a window ledge if you want to be picky). This is not a good quality in a cat. The very minimum we expect from cats is stability, anything less than this deserves the same level of contempt you would give a clumsy child.
2. Health & Vitality – 8/10
   • We think Naboo looks very healthy. Lovely shiny eyes and a quizzical tail. A well presented cat is one that you can respect and share a confidence with.
3. Home invasion – 10/10
   • Now we know that Naboo doesn’t really like to leave the confines of his house and garden and normally we would take an extremely dim view of this sort of behaviour. What we also know is that when Naboo absolutely needs to “go” he likes to do it in Carl Chinn’s garden. Now who amongst us can honestly say that given the opportunity they wouldn’t do the same? We can only imagine his fake brummie surprise everytime Naboo leaves him a little present. Well done Naboo you’ve given a little bit back for all of us.
4. Meow – 4/10
   • Naboo doesn’t have a proper meow. The contention that he can “squeak like an excited teddy bear” has been discounted by the panel on the grounds of sheer nonsense. If you wish to make a case for a cat’s vocal ability then we suggest that comparing it to one of pure fantasy is not the best starting point.
5. Fighting Ability – 2/10
   • As previously stated Naboo doesn’t get out much so opportunities for scrapping are going to be somewhat limited. He certainly hasn’t benefited from reports that he tries to beat up his sister. We also understand he is scared to death of Felix that lives nextdoor, we don’t know much (anything) about Felix but we like the sound of him.
6. Overall cuteness – 9/10
   • Naboo is as cute as a button. A really hairy button. The sight of him gambolling in the snow melted our stone cold hearts.
7. Friendliness – 8/10
   •  Naboo’s owner claims that he is too friendly. Too friendly? We don’t understand that concept. Naboo will follow you round all day and all he asks is a little conversation. Now we don’t know but we think Naboo is very polite as well.
8. Dignity – 4/10
   • Sometimes it’s difficult to reconcile healthy curiosity with dignity. The thirst for knowledge is laudable but sometimes it results in a less than dignified air. We thoroughly enjoyed Naboo’s snowy antics but we feel he should pay the price in this section.
9. Intelligence – 7/10
   • Naboo has a keen interest in plumbing. This is good. It’s an honest trade that will stand him in good stead in the future.  
10. Remaining lives – 5/10
    • Such a closeted cat has never seen life’s seedier side and is unlikely to know the dangers that lie in wait further a field than Carl Chinn’s garden.

Summary: 61%

Naboo has certainly done well though of course this is largely down to his selfless taunting of Birmingham’s one and only novelty history pixie.

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