-
New Contender: Stevie Kitsen
Name: Stevie Kitsen (Identity confirmed)- Agility – 2/10
- We know little about Stevie’s agility. We know she (yes, she, more on that later), we know she favours a window when coming in and out of the house. This isn’t really that incredible, many cats prefer the informal mode of ingress and egress. Her owner once experimented with one of those new fangled cat cameras; apparently she looked out of the window all day. Ahhh, but did she? Or did she take a picture of the outside and place a still of it in front of the camera whilst carrying out any number of capers? We’ve seen it done before, though admittedly it wasn’t done by a cat and it was in a film.
- Health & Vitality – 7/10
- Little Stevie Kitsen has suffered the ignominy of having being labelled a male cat whilst all the while bring a female. Apparently this is because her gender was determined by the landlord of the local pub. This goes a long way to reaffirming the need for professionalism in the veterinary trade; we can’t just let charlatans carry out detailed examinations of cats. Besides this unfortunate start Stevie is a healthy and sprightly individual whose character oozes out of her. Not oozing like liquid, that would be a sign of an unhealthy cat.
- Home invasion – 9/10
- When Stevie’s owner got a dog Stevie went to live in the pub. This is where she found her current owner; this level of self sufficiency is a thing of wonder. Sometimes if Stevie gets bored she goes to live in the old people’s home down the road. The old people apparently don’t like this, we can understand this as in many cases cats can be the harbinger of death for older people. You just don’t know whether a cat’s trying to have quick nap or has detected the first whiff of death. She also once ran away to live with a house full of Spanish students, it didn’t work out.
- Meow – 2/10
- Pretty well nothing but a paltry squeak. You can try and pass this off as subtle but s.u.b.t.l.e is just another way of spelling lazy.
- Fighting Ability – 6/10
- Although Stevie is recognised as being the first one to leg it if it’s all getting a bit physical she once tried to fight a tortoise. There is little a cat can do against the single most armoured creature that evolution has thrown up. Stevie found this out by getting her claw stuck in him (or her, we don’t know the gender of the tortoise, it’s a shame we’re not in the pub where we might have easily been able to find this out). Stevie also killed two mice in one night; these are the only recorded kills we have for her. We think they might have looked at her a bit funny.
- Overall cuteness – 6/10
- We think she’s quite cute. A searching look and tasteful colouring, without being ostentatious.
- Friendliness – 5/10
- Her propensity for running away either tells us that she isn’t that friendly or that she is really friendly. Who knows? She doesn’t like being picked up but neither do we so it would seem harsh to hold it against her.
- Dignity – 5/10
- The indignity of getting stuck to a tortoise aside, we can’t see anything to indicate she is anything more than middle of the road here.
- Intelligence – 4/10
- Stevie’s favourite foods are Whiskers (yep, cat food), pork scratchings (ok, unconventional but we’ll let it go) and Cheesy Quavers (NO, NO, NO, NO, that’s all wrong). Cats do not eat crisps, or things that are a bit like crisps (we’re not completely sure what Cheesy Quavers are). Stevie you’re an idiot.
- Remaining lives – 7/10
- Stevie’s lived a little bit of everywhere and we like that. She always finds her way home or just finds a new home. This is the very spirit of the modern cat.
Summary: 53%
There are some mediocre areas there that have really dragged Stevie down. We can see how she can improve, mainly by running about more and making a noise about it. Having said that we like her, she’s got spunk.
- Agility – 2/10
- ‹ New Contender: SpikeNew Contender: Mr P ›
