MeowseleyTurning Cats into Facts

Nov
6thNew Contender: Grey

Name: Name: Grey (Identity confirmed)

1. Agility – 4/10
   • Grey’s athletic endeavours appear to extend to “a little light climbing” but only before lunch. This is not satisfactory. Kittens should have boundless energy and should spend their days getting into all manner of scrapes. Kitten scrapes should always include, though not exclusively, an element of climbing.
2. Health & Vitality – 7/10
   • Grey is only young but so far hasn’t demonstrated any adverse reactions to being alive. A healthy little cat gets a healthy little score.
3. Home invasion – 1/10
   • Grey has never left the house yet. Pathetic. You can’t invade somebody elses house if you can’t even get out of your own. We’re seriously thinking of taking this point back as it really isn’t good enough.
4. Meow – 7/10
   • Grey’s meow has been described as a “poor squeaky kitten meow”. We think this is unfair. It takes a bit of time for a cat to find it’s voice and making such an effort at a young age certainly bodes well for the future. He clearly has something to say and we want to hear it.
5. Fighting Ability – 2/10
   • Kittens are shit at fighting. What may appear to us as playful rolling around is in fact just playful rolling around. Grey is never going to have the respect of his peers (or us) until he’s killed something. Or at the very least maimed it. Harsh but fair.
6. Overall cuteness – 8/10
   • Grey is undeniably cute. We’d go as far as to say Grey is very very cute but as we’ve said before all kittens are cute. That’s their job. So once we’ve adjusted his score to exclude the kitten factor he gets a not unreasonable eight points.
7. Friendliness – 6/10
   • Grey is apparently friendlier than his mate Brown. We don’t have an objective bench mark of how firendly Brown is, so calculating a score has been somewhat tricky. It’s a bit like one of those puzzles where X amount of parrots dig Y amount of holes so what value is Z? We’re not very good at those so we just pulled a figure out of the air.
8. Dignity – 3/10
   • We’ve never met a kitten yet with any sort of dignity. It’s not within their gift. The gravitas of dignity is only gained through much sleeping and hopefully a little bit of fighting.
9. Intelligence – 4/10
   • Grey chases his own tail and tries to catch light. This is the sort of thing that moths do (apart from the tail chasing thing). Moths aren’t very clever.
10. Remaining lives – 2/10
    • In many ways it is cause for celebration that Grey hasn’t done too well in this section. We would be a little worried if at this tender age he had dangled with death.

Summary: 44%

As a rule we see scores awarded to kittens as more of a personal development plan than a judgement. We think Grey should prove to be quite a good cat once he gets out and about a bit. Until then there is certainly room for improvement.

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